On the eve of Winter Solstice 2000, I got in touch with how angry I have been about many things I see in my life and in the world right now. I realized I was angry because I felt helpless. Which made me feel more angry.

Then I realized that, by making myself right (self-righteous), I was making just about everybody else wrong. I was "praying anger" by thinking it and feeling it with great depth of emotion attached.

Then I remembered a comment made this past summer by a good friend and respected teacher. She said, "Everything that happens is allowed by God." That doesn't mean God says everything is a good idea. It just means that our free will is so important it will not be violated, even by God.

Somehow, life events fulfill a higher order, a higher destiny, that we may never understand. Nothing is created by only one side of an issue or by only one person in isolation. On a soul level, all participants in every big and little event around the planet must be working together even though it may appear they are enemies.

It might even look like an event on one side of the Earth has nothing to do with an event on the other side. Yet, we are all connected, all part of the same Whole. The soul operates solely for the highest good of all, so there must be a positive outcome we can't see or even imagine from our Earth-bound perspective.

In recent months I have studied information which teaches that access to transformation comes when we are authentic about our inauthenticities. This has been very hard for me, as I am coming face to face with so many places in my life where I feel I am inauthentic.

My inauthenticity around "righteous anger" is this: I have been pretending I want peace on the Earth and for all life. Yet I am so angry in my own heart. I'm angry about injustices around the world. I'm angry about the mistreatment of animals. I am angry about "politics as usual" in America. I'm angry about the suppression of powerful healing tools by the AMA and the drug companies. I am angry because my life doesn't look like I think it should. There are many more areas where I am angry.

And my anger, in my eyes, is perfectly justified. It is "wrong" that these things are happening. I'm sure I could find many people to agree with me.

Now, though, I must ask myself an important question: How does my anger contribute to peace on Earth? It doesn't. Every word, every action, every thought, is a prayer. It is a prayer because God hears it. Who am I serving by praying anger all the time? What person, animal, tree or plot of soil is benefitting because I'm outraged?

My anger creates bombs going off around the world. It creates people killing each other over pieces of land and differing beliefs. It creates hatred between brothers. That's how powerful I am!

The impact on me is that I am so caught up in being right that I can't admit that life is just happening how life is happening. It just is what it is. I feel helpless to make a difference, and I'm not helpless. My very belief that I am helpless and can't make a difference is another inauthenticity.

I feel responsible for fixing the world, yet I believe I can't possibly do that because I am not good enough or big enough or strong enough. Another inauthenticity.

The impact of my belief in my helplessness, and the impact of my anger prayers on the world, is that I keep contributing to this escalating anger and hatred. And really I'm most angry at myself for feeling helpless. And all that is bound up in my belief that I am somehow "right" and others are wrong. My supposed commitment to peace becomes a lie because I continue to pray anger, continue to believe I am helpless, and continue to believe others are "wrong." And this is costing me self- respect.

Will it all stop if I get peaceful? I don't know. Can I even become "suddenly" peaceful?

There are lots of people out there like me, praying anger. I can't cause them to stop. I CAN become conscious of every thought of my own, though; that IS my responsibility. I can make a difference by making a commitment to peace within myself.

My anger is so unconscious, so "knee-jerk," so justified. It will take a huge effort for me to stop praying anger. It's like an addiction, this self-righteous anger I pray. It is second nature to me. With God's help, I may be able to begin praying peace. And, when I begin to pray peace, the whole world will be transformed.

That's how powerful I am, too.

So I have invented a possibility for myself. "Who I am is the possibility of Profound Peace." Right now. Today. By praying peace. Within this possibility I can let go of praying anger and make a difference in the world. Now.

This is my commitment: To be Peace in the world now. I invite you to join me.

in profound peace,

I AM nanci

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